Right now, I am in the thick of babyhood with my 5 month old. Pumping around the clock, sleep training, and not getting enough sleep during the night. Baby duties aside, I’m also busy with my 2 other kids during the day. One is an active kindergartner and the other is a preschooler who are independent enough to want to do everything, but still need supervision for, well, almost everything. Despite the daily chaos, I find myself wondering about a 4th baby from time to time. My mom and sister think that I’m crazy to consider it, but I can’t shake the thought. If any other parents are in the same boat, here are a few of the reasons for and against that I’ve considered for my own situation.

Reasons to have another baby

1. Siblings are a gift. I truly believe a sibling is one of the best gifts I can give to my child, and I love that my kids are each other’s favorite playmate. I know that not all siblings are close, but for me it’s so heartwarming to see them together. My friendship with my own sister continues to be one of my most treasured relationships. 
2. I love having a big family. I grew up with a small immediate family and large extended family. My sister and cousins were some of my closest friends. Because we were fortunate to live near, we played together often and shared many fun holidays together. My family has been a foundational part of my personal development, and we remain close to this day. I want this for my own kids.

Reasons to call it quits

1. Pregnancy sucks. Let’s be real – I hate being pregnant!  It is exhausting physically, emotionally, and mentally. At the peak of my last pregnancy, I spent ~2 months throwing up and felt like every piece of my fiber was nauseous. The rest of it remained yucky. Food tasted weird.  I wasn’t eating because it made me feel nauseous, yet I was hungry and craving food. I remember taking the kids outside to play; but, once outside I didn’t have the energy to get up because I felt like a thick, heavy blanket of fatigue and nausea holding me down.
2. I don’t want to miss out on time with my other kids. For me, having a baby means investing almost 2 years of my life to the pregnancy and infant intensive care period. Therefore, I am only partly there for my existing kids, including all their good and bad moments. Frankly, I just don’t want to miss out on those moments.
3. Timing and age. The earliest reasonable time I could have another baby is around age 39 or 40. While I know women do have children at this age and I am a healthy adult, it’s not about the health of the baby alone. I worry that I won’t have enough energy / stamina to give to the pregnancy and infant at the level of care that I would like.

I recognize that the reasons to call it quits outweigh the advantages to having another baby. However, I admit I still feel a bit mournful. Maybe it’s because it’s an ending of a chapter, and endings are sad sometimes.