So often, we as women feel pressured to “do it all” on our own, but it’s completely unnecessary and detrimental to your sanity. What does that even mean, anyway? I can say wholeheartedly that having a supportive partner who is on the same page AND shares the responsibilities of child rearing equally, has made all the difference in my parenthood journey.  Together, we’ve been able to survive 3 babies!

Caring for babies is more of an art than a science mainly because you have to assess your unique situation along with your family / relationship dynamics in order to figure out what works and doesn’t work for you. For us, here are a few ways that we have split out responsibilities that’s really changed the game.

1. Taking “shifts” at night
   • When our babies were young, we each took 4-hour shifts at night so that the other person would be guaranteed a chunk of uninterrupted sleep per night. Albeit small, this was a lifesaving system that helped me to get through those first bumpy, sleep deprived months.
   • Tip: I would pump extra breast milk ahead of time so my husband could feed the baby while I was sleeping.
2. Asking for help from extended family
   • With multiple kids, I started to lean on my mother to come for a few hours whenever my husband worked long shifts at the hospital. She would keep an eye on the toddlers while I fed my youngest, or even just give me a breather to take a shower.
   • I didn’t know to ask for this help with my first baby but have learned over time to voice my need, probably due to desperation. More often our parents, siblings, or even a very close friend are more than willing to help, if only we would ask it. If you’re fortunate to have these resources close by, I encourage you tap into this invaluable support network.
3. Creating automated systems to keep other areas of our lives running
   • This might sound like a no-brainer, but we started scheduling recurring tasks on certain days of the month so as to unload the mental burden to remember them. For example, both my husband and I wear contacts so we just “scheduled” changing them on the 1st and 15th of the month, regardless if they had a few days left of wear in them.
   • Eating healthy food is really important to us, but it’s really hard to keep up when you’re taking care of little kids.  One thing that’s been really helpful is our deep freezer, which we purchased after our first baby was born.  Whenever we go to the grocery store, we make a point to buy extra food that’s freezer friendly like meat or certain frozen vegetables.  We also always cook in batches, and make sure to have plenty leftovers when we do cook.  It’s little things like this that add up to making our primary task of taking care of the kids a hair more manageable.
   • Tip: Use your phone to schedule reminders or even a physical calendar to automate the reminder to do these routine tasks. You have too many other things to do keeping those little ones alive to mess around with remembering when to change your contacts or whatever the small task might be.

These are just a few of the ways that we shared responsibilities and set up a system that worked for us. The most important thing was that we communicated openly with each other and tried to find solutions that worked best for the whole family.  For any new (or soon to-be) moms out there who are struggling with the onslaught of baby responsibilities, as well as postpartum issues:  share as much of child care responsibilities as you can during those first few dizzying months of babyhood.  At the end of the day, it’s good for you, your baby, and probably your marriage, too.

One additional bright light I’ve realized in all this is how fortunate I am to have my husband. Maybe everyone feels this way about their spouse or partner, but I really feel like I won the lottery of my life when we got married. He’s the hardest worker I have ever known, and the most disciplined person I have ever met. I still don’t know how he does it, but parenthood has reaffirmed how truly fortunate I am. One of the most beautiful things about becoming a parent with your partner is that you get to witness their transformation. The subtle and not subtle ways in which they grow and evolve as a person.  For me, it’s the sheer joy of seeing someone I love, nurturing someone he loves. 

Readers, how do you split the responsibilities with your partners? I’d love to hear what you learned about them since becoming parents.